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San Sebastián y el miedo

Hoy es el día de San Sebastián (mi ciudad natal) y mi memoria se llena de desfiles, tamborradas, nervios e ilusión.  Hoy también ha sido el día en que hemos comenzado un nuevo grupo de escritura, un grupo mensual de sábados por la mañana. Cada grupo que se forma es algo mágico. Cómo explicar porqué ese  número concreto de personas de su madre y de su padre se reúnen en un momento determinado con un mismo fin. Y parece que el tema de hoy era quiero pero tengo miedo. ¿Miedo a qué?

No es que no conozca el miedo. El miedo siempre me ha acompañado,  el miedo al agua, pudo ser el primero. A los 40 años me fuí a aprender a nadar y no iba sola. El miedo venía conmigo. La monitora que tendría unos dieciocho me preguntó: ¿porqué vienes a aprender a nadar?  ¿porqué no has aprendido antes? (mis compañeros de curso tenían de 80 para arriba) yo le dije: porque tenía miedo.  MIEDOOO??? Me miró como quien no entiende nada y dijo: ¡vamos al agua!

Cuando alguien tiene un miedo para ti desconocido es difícil de entender, y me viene a la mente la imagen del San Sebastián con sus flechas y me imagino que el miedo son flechas que nos atraviesan pero que son invisibles para los demás.  Y me viene también a la cabeza esa cita que dice que lo único que hay entre tú y tus sueños es el miedo. Y  para terminar me imagino que los tambores tocan  hoy celebrando la victoria del amor sobre el miedo.

Y a pesar de los reparos, hemos tenido señoras Petunias, hadas que iluminan el mundo, mujeres que se caen y se levantan, leonas, colibríes, cartas de amor, misterios, melenas como olas del mar…Y qué hermoso cuando nos vamos con el miedo de la mano a nuestra tarea, a lo que el alma nos pide, y cuando le decimos vale, a pesar de ti y contigo, voy  y me abro como una flor. Y el mundo se vuelve primavera en cualquier estación.

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